<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Start Line by untilitbreaks</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29401044">Start Line</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/untilitbreaks/pseuds/untilitbreaks'>untilitbreaks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>You &amp; I in the Sky [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Character, Asexual Kang Taehyun, Asexuality, Best Friends Huening Kai &amp; Kang Taehyun, Canon Compliant, Communication, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Making Out, Minor Choi Soobin/Jeon Jungkook, OT5, Practice Kissing, Self-Discovery, actually, they’re all gay and love each other very much</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:48:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,048</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29401044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/untilitbreaks/pseuds/untilitbreaks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I feel like I’m missing out, though. I mean, since the hyungs are so enthusiastic about it,” Kai says, thumbing at the hem of Taehyun’s shirt. “What’s it like? Kissing?”</p><p>And that’s—not at all what Taehyun had expected Kai to say. But he just wants advice from someone who understands him, someone who’s a little more experienced than him. Taehyun should be able to manage that, right?</p><p>The thing is: Taehyun doesn’t exactly fit the job description.</p><p>“Um,” he says. <i>Don’t mess this up, don’t mess this up, don’t mess this up.</i> “Good, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>[Kai asks Taehyun to teach him how to kiss. Instead, they learn how together.]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>You &amp; I in the Sky [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2216697</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Start Line</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>EDIT: this fic now has a sequel!</p><p>happy valentine’s day! i thought that a bit of tyunning practice kissing would be a good treat~ enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>For Taehyun’s seventeenth birthday, Kai bought him a deck of cards and a book of magic tricks.</p><p>Taehyun still remembers the way Kai had looked at him as he handed him the package, bundled in leftover wrapping paper from Soobin’s birthday gifts. “We’re going to be a team for a long time,” he’d said, his cheeks dusted with pink. “You’re my best friend and you help me out a lot, so I wanted to get you something that you’d enjoy.”</p><p>Truthfully, if Taehyun had been asked, he wouldn’t have guessed that Kai considered him his best friend, even though he thought that way of Kai. He would have guessed Soobin, because Kai and Soobin have always been stuck to each other in the way that people who need each other are bonded together, and Taehyun had never thought of interfering in that. He’d torn open the wrapping paper (sky blue, with puppies in various playful positions dotted across it) and realized just how much thought Kai had put into his gifts—just how much he must have studied Taehyun and listened to him talk and <em> cared </em> about him to do this for him.</p><p>Taehyun wasn’t even sure of where he’d gotten the money for them, because they certainly weren’t getting paid yet back then, and Kai often spent his whole allowance allocated to him by his parents all at once, as soon as their care packages arrived, rather than saving up like Taehyun. The funds from Kai’s summer job, the one he’d had before he’d become a trainee, had long run out, which worried Taehyun but felt like a new beginning to Kai, in his own words.</p><p>So if someone were to ask Taehyun now, he would say that this was the moment when he’d realized that Kai would be his best friend for the long haul—his better half, his partner in crime, his handsome magic trick assistant.</p><p>They’re both nineteen now, and all of the cards are soft and worn from use and bent at the corners. The book is taped at the spine with two layers of duct tape, one for each time the front cover had fallen off. Taehyun has read most of the pages over and over again so many times that he has them memorized, but he thumbs to one of the sections at the back, one that he isn’t very familiar with yet, and settles down with the book propped up against his knees so that he can shuffle his deck of cards—the one Kai had gifted him, not the one gathering dust on his bookshelf that he only uses for special occasions like when he does tricks live—absentmindedly as he reads.</p><p>Not even a minute passes before he feels the familiar weight of Kai leaning against his calves, and he squirms a little as his hair tickles him. It's a bit uncomfortable to have Kai, who could easily take up the entire couch on his own, squishing him so that he only has one cushion to stretch out over, but Taehyun doesn't mind that much. He knows intellectually that skinship with Kai hasn't always been effortless, but he can't remember a time when it hadn't been so natural and felt so right.</p><p>Kai props his head up against Taehyun's knee to look over at what he's doing. Without really looking at him, Taehyun pats the top of his head, as if Kai is an overgrown puppy instead of his bandmate. This is nice. They'd finished up a long round of photoshoots today, and Taehyun isn't tired enough to go to sleep, so a quiet night with Kai inching into his lap and nothing to do but cuddle him sounds like the perfect way to finish off the day to Taehyun.</p><p>But, per usual, the dorm doesn't remain serene for long. The blissful evening stillness is broken when the front door opens and Beomgyu hollers so loudly he startles Kai into toppling off the couch, and Taehyun jerks and his cards fly out of his hands mid-shuffle, spilling across his lap and the floor and Kai.</p><p><em> "Hyung," </em> Kai complains, but Beomgyu doesn't even spare him a glance as he bounds from the kitchen to the door, where Yeonjun is slipping out of his coat. Taehyun frowns and shakes a few cards out of his lap, annoyed at that thought of making sure that he hasn't lost any.</p><p>"Hyung!" Beomgyu says, much too loudly for their apartment, and too close to Yeonjun's face for the volume of his voice. "Did you—with Yujin—?"</p><p>Taehyun's frown deepens, because he doesn't remember Yeonjun talking about a Yujin, and now even Soobin, who had been taking a nap in his room, has joined Beomgyu, looking more awake than he has all day. On the floor, Kai looks lost as he glances from Yeonjun to Taehyun. There's a queen of spades in his hair, and Taehyun plucks it out and pats his hair flat, too confused to laugh.</p><p>Instead of answering Beomgyu's question, Yeonjun only smirks, and Beomgyu yells again, something unintelligible, and Soobin looks vaguely like he might pass out. "Who's Yujin?" Kai demands, frustrating enough for both him and Taehyun bleeding into his tone.</p><p>This only makes Beomgyu <em> and </em> Soobin erupt into a fit of giggles as Yeonjun attempts to stutter through a response. "She's, uh. A girl," he says lamely.</p><p>He makes a face that Taehyun has never seen on him before, and he waves his hands helplessly—and then it clicks. Below Taehyun, Kai's face has turned beet red, which means he must have realized too, and Taehyun is torn between a jittery sort of nervousness, burning curiosity, and disgust.</p><p>"What Yeonjun-hyung means to say," Beomgyu explains, "is that, after <em> months </em> of complaining that he’s lonely, he finally found someone to hook up with!" Soobin, the supposedly-mature leader of their group, can't keep a straight face, and begins snickering. Yeonjun runs a hand through his (messy, disheveled just like the shirt he's wearing, which is barely buttoned halfway) hair and sighs heavily.</p><p>Suddenly, Taehyun is a lot less preoccupied with retrieving his cards from under the couch, although he does kneel down next to Kai to gather them, because he isn't sure that he'd be able to handle being so close to Yeonjun after what he'd done. "I can't believe you told Soobin-hyung and not me," he exclaims. "I can't believe you told <em> Beomgyu-hyung </em> and not me!"</p><p>Taehyun knows that he hasn't exactly heard as much of Yeonjun's romantic longing as the other members, but he's still eager to know more. There are still some things that the hyungs discuss only among themselves, things that Yeonjun and Soobin used to talk about alone until Beomgyu became an adult and they started spilling their secrets to him. Taehyun doesn't know when or if that privilege will ever kick in for him and Kai, but he's starting to think that it won't, if tonight's events are anything to go by.</p><p>Apparently, Yeonjun's sex life is one of those forbidden hyungs-only topics. Which makes sense, but Taehyun still thinks that it's a little unfair.</p><p>"You are a literal child," Yeonjun says. If Taehyun looks closely, his ears might be a little red, but that’s more likely wishful thinking.</p><p>"And Beomgyu isn't?" Taehyun says incredulously. Yeonjun purses his lips and shakes his head, and Beomgyu, who had clearly been trying very hard to stay quiet, lets out an aborted squeal.</p><p>Taehyun is pretty sure that Yeonjun is just embarrassed, because there's no way that he can argue that Beomgyu is more suited to hear this information considering how he'd greeted Yeonjun when he got home.</p><p>Taehyun hadn't even known that Yeonjun was going out tonight.</p><p>"I want to live vicariously through you," he complains. Kai hands him a stack of cards, about half the deck, and Taehyung realizes how quiet he's been ever since Beomgyu had revealed what Yeonjun had been doing. "Hyung, be merciful. The rest of us have been cooped up here while you've been living your <em> best </em> life."</p><p>"I don't think that you can live vicariously through me for things you don't like," Yeonjun says. His tone is skeptical, but also fond. He finally makes it away from the door, heading farther into the apartment with Beomgyu and Soobin at his heels. "Besides, it was a lot of effort. We had to get tested, and she had to sign an NDA, and I had to call for one of our drivers after. Worst walk of shame ever. I don't know why she still wanted me."</p><p>"Probably because you're hot and famous," Soobin says, finally mastering a blank expression, but only until Yeonjun shoots a glare his way. "And because you're a good guy, of course. But mostly because you're sexy."</p><p>At this point, Taehyun has given up wondering about the questionable things his members say. Soobin might be genuinely complimenting Yeonjun (rare), but Taehyun can't imagine that he speaks much differently to his long-term, serious boyfriend. Maybe they really have been spending too much time together. Taehyun scoops up the last of his cards and organizes them neatly with his book as Yeonjun sits down on the other end of the couch.</p><p>"But was it worth it?" Kai says after a pause, speaking for the first time since asking who Yujin was.</p><p>Yeonjun smirks again, and Soobin's jaw drops, and Beomgyu throws himself across Yeonjun's lap, expecting to be caught—which, of course, he is.</p><p>Kai blushes again, looking out of place compared to how chaotic the other members are. "Kai-yah," Taehyun says softly, and relief floods Kai's expression as he recognizes the invitation and cuddles against Taehyun's side once more.</p><p>"Really, there isn't much to tell," Yeonjun says in response to the barrage of questions Beomgyu and Soobin have asked him since he sat down. "You know I prefer guys, but she's hot and the timing worked out and we have chemistry. Neither of us wanted to wait."</p><p>"There must be something fun you're not telling us about, hyung," Beomgyu wheedles.</p><p>"But you'll give me all the details later, right?" Soobin adds. Yeonjun winks at him, not at all slyly, and the curiosity Taehyun may have felt when Yeonjun had originally come home vanishes as he realizes how obnoxious his hyungs are all over again. Intellectually, he has questions that he'd prefer to learn the answers to in a safe environment, but he'd rather navigate through bad sources on the internet than listen to another moment of Yeonjun hinting around what he'd done with a girl Taehyun hadn't known existed until fifteen minutes ago.</p><p>Beomgyu pouts. "And me?"</p><p>"If I don't tell Taehyunie and Hueningie, I can't tell you," Yeonjun says, ruffling Beomgyu's hair.</p><p>Beomgyu squawks indignantly, but doesn't press any more. While still exasperated, Taehyun is satisfied with Yeonjun's pledge to regard Beomgyu as being on the same level as Taehyun and Kai, in terms of who he confides to, even if he's just not in the mood to talk and will change his mind later. Yeonjun knows that, aside from what Taehyun and Kai ask him directly, they're okay with not being involved in the conversations that the older members have among themselves.</p><p>Taehyun doesn't take offense to it, anyway. There are things he talks to only certain members about, but especially Kai.</p><p>Although Beomgyu (clinging to Yeonjun like an octopus, likely asleep) and Soobin (sprawled across the floor, brows furrowed as he scrolls on his phone) have quieted down, the atmosphere isn't quite the same as it was before, and Kai is still strangely tense next to Taehyun. Taehyun would rather try making Kai feel better than spend his time dwelling on his own thoughts. "I think I'm going to get to sleep early," he says, as nonchalantly as he can manage, cheek pressed against the top of Kai's head. "Come with?"</p><p>They’ve been sharing a room ever since they moved, but Taehyun knows that Kai will recognize the invitation as it is—an offer for them to sleep together and enjoy each other’s company rather than simply synching up their schedules. Their beds are bigger than the ones at their old dorm, and Kai has only taken this as an invitation to share a bed with one of his hyungs more often than not.</p><p>Usually this ends up being Taehyun, although Soobin is also a top contender. It’s been a long time since Taehyun had simply assumed that this was a matter of convenience rather than Kai actually wanted to spend time close to him.</p><p>Kai nods, just enough to confirm what Taehyun had already assumed he would say. "Bedtime?" Yeonjun says. He stretches—carefully, not to dislodge Beomgyu from his chest, and Taehyun's heart aches with fondness. All five of them are growing up, but the best part about this is that they always have each other's backs. "Sleep well, my loves."</p><p>Yeonjun kisses the top of Kai’s head as he gets up, which makes him scowl, but there’s a tiny smile playing at the corners of his lips when his back is turned to Yeonjun, and some of the tension disappears from his shoulders.</p><p>They take turns getting ready for bed, and Kai is waiting for Taehyun in his bed by the time he’s done brushing his teeth, blankets pulled around his shoulders. He pulls Taehyun close by his waist, which makes Taehyun laugh. “You’re cuddly tonight,” he says, happily letting Kai hug him from behind like he would one of his plushies. “Did you miss me?”</p><p>Kai’s nose presses against the nape of Taehyun’s neck. Even like this, Taehyun feels totally surrounded by Kai, warm and safe in his arms. “We haven’t had a lot of time at home recently,” he says.</p><p>It’s true—they’re so busy these days that sometimes all they have time for is climbing into bed, and sleeping together like this can be stifling. Now that their workload is lightening up, Taehyun is eager to spend more nights like this with his members. As for the nights that his members are looking forward to—well, he can’t exactly attest to those.</p><p>Taehyun is still feeling a bit of the awkward, tense vibe from Kai, so unlike how he usually acts around the members. Taehyun hates when Kai is upset. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and isn’t <em> that </em> shy about his feelings, but it still hurts to see him hurting, even if he’s not sure how to put it into words.</p><p>Kai is always good at making Taehyun feel better when he’s down, giving him space when he needs it and a safe place to come to when he wants to talk. Taehyun wants to do the same for him, because it’s what he deserves for being so kind and thoughtful and genuinely such a wonderful person that Taehyun isn’t sure sometimes how he exists in a world that can sometimes be so cruel.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about earlier?” Taehyun asks quietly. He turns his head enough so that Kai feels like he’s addressing him, but not enough that he can really make out his expression. He hopes that Kai knows what he’s talking about, but he knows that he will, even if he chooses to interpret Taehyun’s words differently to avoid the topic. “I know it was kind of overwhelming.”</p><p>Kai’s forehead tips against Taehyun’s neck. Taehyun turns back to face the other side of the room. One of Kai’s hands wraps around his waist and slips under his shirt to knead at his bare stomach, seemingly by instinct rather than thought. “You didn’t seem very surprised,” he says.</p><p>Taehyun shrugs. He must have done a better job than he’d thought at hiding how conflicted his feelings were. “I think I would have been less surprised if Soobin-hyung wasn’t so grossly in love with Jungkook-hyung all the time.”</p><p>As much as Taehyun had feared, at times irrationally, that his groupmates would no longer relate to him when they started pursuing relationships in ways that he didn’t understand the same way they did, Soobin’s relationship with Jungkook had been somewhat of a wake-up call. He’d come to realize that his hyungs were the same hyungs they always were no matter what relationships they pursued in their spare time. Soobin was careful to reassure Taehyun that he wasn’t going to treat him differently than he did any of the other members, and that the way he saw Taehyun wasn’t going to change now.</p><p>That, and the one time he had come home early to find them making out, Soobin bending Jungkook over their kitchen table, had been an image that hadn’t left his mind for weeks.</p><p>Kai shifts, moving away to be more comfortable, but still close enough that Taehyun can feel his breath on his skin. He sighs. “Yeah, but that’s different.”</p><p>“You know that they still—”</p><p>“I wish I didn’t!” Kai yelps. His hand stills. His palm rests, warm and comfortable, against Taehyun’s side. “I don’t know what’s worse—thinking about Soobin-hyung like that, or Jungkook-hyung like that.”</p><p>Taehyun snorts in amusement. Despite Kai’s tone, he knows that he hasn’t made him truly uncomfortable. Still, though, there’s another possible reason why Kai has seemed so off ever since Yeonjun had come home, one that they haven’t ever breached the topic of between them before, one that makes Taehyun feel the same way he did the first time he realized that Soobin’s relationship with Jungkook wasn’t <em> just </em> romantic—</p><p>"Is that something you'd be interested in?" Taehyun says, cautiously keeping his voice level even though his heart is beating rapidly. "Because that's—it's something that could be arranged, now."</p><p>Other than wanting Kai to feel like he has someone to talk to, he doesn’t really think that he’s the best person for Kai to have this conversation with. Yeonjun would be much better, or Soobin, or Beomgyu, because they're all capable of being serious and helpful when it counts, even if they goof around a lot.</p><p>Things like this aren't as big of a deal to them as they are to Taehyun and Kai, not to mention that the major anxieties Taehyun has over relationships are largely different than the ones the other members have. He's more concerned over management thinking that he's following the rules a little <em> too </em> closely, and the one time the company's resident medical expert had given him a lecture on safe sex practices as an idol easily ranks as one of the top five most mortifying experiences Taehyun had had to endure since debuting. He'd been embarrassed in a way that was completely different from the way Kai will feel embarrassed when he inevitably decides that he needs to blow off steam in a way that the members can't—or shouldn't—help him with.</p><p>Kai shakes his head furiously. "No!" he says, just slightly too loudly. His hand jerks out from underneath Taehyun’s shirt. Taehyun guesses that, if the lights were on, he'd find Kai to be bright red again. "I'm not ready for <em> that. </em> I haven't even kissed anyone yet."</p><p>Kai is <em> definitely </em> blushing after that admission, and the last thing Taehyun wants is to make him feel even more embarrassed, although he knows less and less of what he’s talking about as their conversation continues. “There’s no rush,” Taehyun says sagely. “You should go at your own pace. If you’re not ready for kissing anyone, or if there’s no one you want to kiss, then you don’t have to.”</p><p>There. That’s good, right? It’s the kind of advice that Taehyun has desperately comforted himself with in the past, but he thinks that this might make him even more hungry for what he can’t have.</p><p>“I feel like I’m missing out, though. I mean, since the hyungs are so enthusiastic about it,” Kai says. Seemingly over his previous embarrassment, he thumbs at the hem of Taehyun’s shirt. “What’s it like? Kissing?”</p><p>And that’s—not at all what Taehyun had expected Kai to say, actually, but tonight has been unexpected in all sorts of ways that he hadn’t anticipated. Taehyun does <em> not </em> know how to handle this, this wasn’t what Kai was supposed to say, if he messes this up it’ll be embarrassing for both of them and then it’ll be hard to talk about things like this like before.</p><p><em> Breathe. </em> Kai isn’t expecting anything grand, he just wants Taehyun’s reassurance. He wants advice from someone who understands him, someone who’s a little more experienced than him. Taehyun should be able to manage that, right?</p><p>The thing is: Taehyun doesn’t exactly fit the job description.</p><p>“Um,” he says. <em> Don’t mess this up, don’t mess this up, don’t mess this up. </em> “Good, I guess.”</p><p>If his blood pressure had been rising before, his heart is nearly beating out of his chest now. Taehyun had brought this upon himself, hadn't he? There’s a beat of silence that isn’t quite uncomfortable, and then: “You’re as stingy as Yeonjun-hyung with the details.”</p><p>Taehyun twists around in Kai’s arms to face him. They’re nearly nose-to-nose, sharing Taehyun’s pillow. Kai’s eyes are as wide as saucers. “I didn’t know you wanted them from him,” Taehyun teases.</p><p>This is more like the familiar banter they’re used to. He likes this—and he likes Kai even more.</p><p>“I didn’t say that,” Kai protests. But then his eyes soften, and he ducks his head and nuzzles into Taehyun’s collarbone. “Goodnight, Taehyun-ah. Thanks for talking with me.”</p><p>“I’m always here for you,” Taehyun says, even though he doesn’t need to. Kai already knows this, because they show each other just how much they mean it every day. Content, Taehyun curls one hand around the small of Kai’s back to keep him close as they sleep. He loves his best friend—loves everything about him, and everything that they are together.</p><p>And as he falls asleep, he thinks about the touch of Kai’s lips against his skin.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Taehyun figured out that he’s gay shortly before he had become a trainee, when he had stumbled across a positivity page for queer identities featuring dozens of photos of couples defying heteronormative standards, and realized that it might be nice to be one of those boys kissing other boys.</p><p>The realization hadn't come as a shock. He'd always known that his thoughts and experiences with relationships were different than the other people's his age, but he'd chalked that up to his asexuality for a long time. Even after exploring what asexuality meant to him, though, there was still a nagging doubt in the back of his mind that something was missing—that he hadn't quite figured out all of the pieces in his puzzle yet, and that there was some other explanation for why he always felt like the odd one out when it came to relationships, even though he was a romantic at heart.</p><p>Taehyun was a little—or very, actually, although worrying about it added stress to his life that he didn't need—scared, at first. But more than anything, he was relieved to finally have a word for what he was feeling. He'd simply never considered the possibility that he could be gay, even though he was avidly supportive of other people who were.</p><p>Taehyun's path to recognizing his asexuality was faster, but more rocky. He'd identified with the term ever since he'd first read its definition, although the nuances of what it meant to him have changed drastically throughout the years. In retrospect, he considers it lucky that he'd even seen himself so clearly in the label that early on, when he was still so confused about his perception of different types of attraction and how this differed from his romantic desires.</p><p>And, of course, he'd had a plethora of new circumstances to think about when he came to the conclusion that his aversion to the idea of kissing was partially because he didn't want to kiss girls. All at once, he was confronted with a host of new physical cravings and fantasies that he wasn't sure how to conceptualize in relation to his asexuality.</p><p>It's been a long time since then. Taehyun is more mature now. He's more sure of himself. He's learned how to look inward, and internalized the idea that everything he feels in relation to his orientation is valid, even if—and especially if—it's fluid. He knows that his feelings are complex, but that doesn't mean that he's any less deserving of having his boundaries respected and being able to explore things that others might not see as being traditional of his sexuality.</p><p>It's chill now. Taehyun is confident in his identity, but there had been countless ups and downs in his life before he'd reached this point.</p><p>The height of Taehyun's fear about how being gay could possibly harm his career had been when he'd first met his future teammates, but this had soon dissipated as he'd gotten to know them. He'd worried that, he would eventually be forced to come out to his members as not to feel as though he was hiding something from them, or at least to feel comfortable in his own skin, or, worst case scenario, as a buffer in case rumors ever leaked about his sexuality that could get them in trouble.</p><p>But then, one, day a few weeks out from their debut, Yeonjun had casually mentioned that he'd dated one of the other male trainees months ago. If the other members had been surprised, none of them mentioned it, but there was a significant change in the way they addressed sensitive topics between the team. Conversation became easier. Soon enough, Yeonjun wasn't the only member lamenting about a boyfriend—and by the time Soobin finally made things official with Jungkook after months of dancing around each other, all of them had, at least once, contributed something to a conversation that put into question whether or not they were really straight.</p><p>Even now, Taehyun isn't completely sure that the other members—excluding Kai, whom he tells everything to, and Soobin, who has gone on dozens of midnight walks with Taehyun, during which they've talked about anything and everything in enough detail that he's probably inferred it by now—know specifically that he's gay. He knows that he'll tell them when it comes up, but he hasn't felt the need to make it into a big deal, one of the best consequences of the easy trust they have in each other.</p><p>He'd specifically made a point to tell them about his asexuality, though. He doesn't remember what particular moment had led him to realize that he would be more comfortable if he told them, whether it was a joke that was a touch too sexual for his taste or an assumption made about the future that he couldn't relate to, but he remembers how they'd all been sitting together, eating dinner, and he'd made a jittery confession: that he'd never experienced sexual attraction, and, if he was to be completely honest, the thought of himself having sex was repulsive to him.</p><p>His worst fears <em> hadn't </em> come true. The members hadn't rejected him, or told him that asexuality didn't exist, or thought that he was being dramatic. There were questions, but they weren't invasive—they genuinely wanted to get to know him better to make him feel more relaxed and welcome and able to talk to them.</p><p>There <em> had </em> been somewhat of a learning curve, though. The members' prior knowledge about asexuality varied. Taehyun often wasn't even sure about where his own boundaries lay. By now, recognizing Taehyun's asexuality is just as natural to the members as recognizing that none of them are completely straight.</p><p>But even though it would be easier and more palatable if Taehyun knew all the details about his sexuality and everything he's comfortable with and the types of relationships he wants to have, there are still things that surprise him about himself—such as the fact that, ever since Kai had asked him what kissing feels like, all he's been able to think about is kissing him.</p><p>Taehyun<em> knows </em> that the other members are ridiculously attractive. He'd nursed an embarrassing crush on Soobin around the time they'd debuted, and he's come close to kissing Yeonjun multiple times, not to mention all the nights he'd spent lying awake thinking of how, if he had kissed him, Yeonjun probably would have kissed him back. Taehyun will even admit that the butterflies he feels in the pit of his stomach when he looks at Beomgyu every so often are both because he's drop dead gorgeous and one of the best people Taehyun knows, hands down.</p><p>And Kai—well, Taehyun's feelings for him have always been complicated. Taehyun doesn't know how he'd describe their relationship other than that they understand each other on a level deeper than that of friends. They're best friends, but—more. More intimate. <em> Yes, </em> there have been more than a few occasions when Taehyun looked at Kai and thought that he couldn't imagine a life without him. There have been quiet nights like the one when Kai had planted the idea of kissing in his head when Taehyun had been lying beside him and thought that the day when they'd moved on and couldn't be as close as they are now would be beyond painful. And he has looked into Kai's eyes before, and then down at his lips, and wondered if they'd fit together as perfectly as they do as best friends.</p><p>But he's never thought about Kai like <em> this. </em></p><p>A week after Kai asks Taehyun about kissing, he's still replaying the conversation over and over again in his mind. Had he answered Kai's questions good enough? Had he been too aloof? He quickly realizes that he isn't actually that worried about whether or not he comforted Kai enough so much as whether he had misinterpreted his words, and he'd actually offered Taehyun an invitation to kiss him. The mere idea of this is, at first, unbelievable to Taehyun, but the more he thinks about it, the harder it is to get it out of his head.</p><p>Suddenly, he's thinking about Kai at the most inopportune times. While they eat breakfast together, nearly late to dance practice? It's far from the proper time for Taehyun to be thinking about how pretty Kai's lips look around his spoon, if there's ever a proper time for such a thing, but he does.</p><p>Perhaps most cruelly is how he <em> notices </em> Kai at Said dance practice. He catches his gaze lingering on the line of Kai's body as he dances, on the expressions that play on Kai's face, alternating sexy and playful and cute so often that Taehyun's mind can't keep up. He's spent plenty of time in the past admiring his members for how good they are at what they do, but there's something else behind Taehyun's admiration this time, something both unfamiliar and exciting, and it burns deep within him.</p><p>(One time, Yeonjun catches Taehyun staring, and he winks so grossly that Taehyun pledges not to look at Kai again for the rest of practice. This only lasts about five minutes, until Kai asks Taehyun a question about his position and he can't bear to ignore him.)</p><p>The most mundane things catch Taehyun's eye now, like how effortlessly attractive Kai looks at all hours of the day, and how he sometimes seems to tower over Taehyun in a way that he thinks would be quite nice for kissing, actually. He's endeared by everything Kai does, from how he carefully aligns his plushies on his bed each morning to the way he pushes his hair back when it gets in his eyes. Taehyun feels a bit evil for it, because he knows that Kai can't possibly be thinking of him the same way, that Kai is his <em> best friend </em> and he shouldn't be having these thoughts about him, but it doesn't <em> feel </em>wrong, so he doesn't stop.</p><p>There's one heart-stopping moment when he and Kai and Beomgyu are watching a movie together, Taehyun and Kai sitting close together so they can share snacks. They reach for the popcorn at the same time, and Taehyun starts to apologize and pass Kai the bowl when he looks up and finds that Kai is also looking at him, and suddenly their faces are so close that, if Taehyun wanted, he could learn forward just a bit, and they'd be kissing.</p><p>For a brief second, Taehyun thinks about it. He seriously, truly thinks about what Kai would do or say if he kissed him—if he would kiss back or push him away, if he would pull Taehyun in for more and tell him that he'd been waiting for him to do this, if Kai would take like popcorn or the ice cream they'd shared earlier. But the moment passes and Taehyun does nothing, because he couldn't do that without talking to Kai first, and this would involve Taehyun coming to terms with the fact that his feelings mean more than he’d originally thought.</p><p>Most embarrassing is the dream. Taehyun wakes up one morning after Kai cuddles him to sleep, burning in all the wrong places. Kai's weight is heavy against his back, pressing him into the mattress, and Taehyun takes one look at his expression, peaceful as he slept and completely unaware of the crisis Taehyun is going through, and bolts. He squirms out of Kai's embrace and hides in the kitchen, waiting for the other members to wake up.</p><p>It's only when he's alone that the details of his dream come back to him: Kai's mouth, hot and slick against his own, their hands roaming over each other's bodies, the way Kai had gasped sweetly when Taehyun had kissed him just the way he liked it.</p><p>When Kai had finally emerges from their room that morning with sleep-mussed hair and his shirt riding high enough to reveal a sliver of golden skin when he stretches, Taehyun's stomach twists into knots that don't go away for the rest of the day, and only get worse when Kai climbs into his bed again that night.</p><p>Taehyun hasn't ever felt like this before, not even when he'd had fleeting crushes on the other members, not when he'd first realized that he's gay and was finally able to embrace the feelings that he'd been suppressing for years. It's overwhelming and a bit terrifying, but what's most terrifying of all is that he doesn't hate what he's feeling.</p><p>It's <em> nice </em> to look at Kai and think about how pretty he is. It's <em> nice </em> to have someone he wants to kiss, if only in theory. It's <em> nice </em> to feel giddy when Kai praises him, and to want to give him attention in return.</p><p>If Taehyun didn't know any better, he would say that he has a legitimate crush on Kai.</p><p>But he doesn't. He <em> can't.</em></p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Taehyun has a crush on Kai.</p><p>It’s not a big deal. It isn’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything, and he’s determined that it won’t. It hasn’t changed anything about how he interacts with Kai so far, even if his heart leaps into his throat every time Kai winks at him or asks to sleep together with him. It’s not a big deal. Feeling like this isn’t totally unfamiliar to him, even though it’s never been <em> quite </em> as serious and disarming as this. It’s okay. He can deal with it.</p><p>And, well. The members have always tiptoed on the line between friends and <em> something else </em>. Taehyun is pretty sure that it would be impossible to share the closeness that they do, while understanding each other on a level so unique to them and the relationships they have with each other, without occasionally crossing that line.</p><p>Even Soobin flirts constantly with Kai, just because he thinks that it’s cute that Kai is so easily flustered by it. Now that Taehyun thinks about it, it’s probably strange that Kai gets so flustered when Soobin’s flirting doesn’t mean anything, but he can’t judge him for that considering that Kai is on his mind a solid 75% of the time.</p><p>25% of the time he’s sleeping, but Taehyun also dreams about Kai a fair amount these days, so maybe he actually spends 90% of his time thinking about him in some way. Regardless of the math, it’s a lot of time.</p><p>Taehyun is starting to wonder if his crush is getting a little out of hand, though. When they receive a day off and Taehyun and Kai are the only ones who elect to stay home, the first thing Taehyun thinks about is how he’s finally completely alone with Kai, for hours on end, something incredibly rare considering that the group spends almost all of their time together.</p><p>The day is remarkably unremarkable in the way that their days without schedules are. Kai attempts to make himself breakfast and ends up falling asleep on their couch instead, and Taehyun spends an hour deliberating on whether or not it would be sad if he went to the gym at the BigHit building on his one day off for the foreseeable future. Kai has the right idea, catching up on sleep, although Taehyun is pretty sure that this hadn’t been on purpose.</p><p>He ends up calling his parents, which, while it lasts, is a good distraction from the grocery list he’s currently puzzling over. Yeonjun had recently come to the conclusion that it would be good for them if they started cooking more of their own meals rather than relying on takeout or their manager to supply them food. It’s a great idea in theory, except for the fact that none of them know how to cook anything beyond basic dishes.</p><p>That, and there’s a suspicious lack of vegetables on the grocery list Yeonjun had made after picking out a few recipes to try. Broccoli, of all things, is listed there. Taehyun scowls.</p><p>Taehyun has just opened up the link to one of the recipes Yeonjun had sent to their group chat when Kai pokes his head through the sliver of open doorway. “Are you busy?” he says.</p><p>Not for Kai, never for Kai. And Taehyun really doesn’t want to be thinking about vegetables anymore. He shakes his head and pats the spot next to him in bed, where he’s currently sitting with his legs crossed and the list crumpled in front of him.</p><p>Kai gingerly sits down, close enough that Taehyun can smell his orange perfume. He wrinkles his nose at the list. “Yeonjun-hyung’s dinner plans?”</p><p>“They’re kind of a disaster, honestly,” Taehyun admits. Kai laughs, and he tosses the list on his bedside table so he can focus on Kai instead. “Is there something you wanted me to talk about?”</p><p>He sounds breathless, which is only a little appalling for him considering that he barely even has a crush on him. He wouldn’t even say that he <em> likes </em> Kai like that, because that would imply that he wants to be with him like it’s a need, and Taehyun is perfectly satisfied with what they already have.</p><p>“There is, actually,” Kai says. And then he hesitates. He’s wearing one of Soobin’s sweaters, soft and blue, and the sleeves are so long they cover his hands, which are bunched into fists.</p><p>This sets off alarm bells in Taehyun’s mind. Kai doesn’t just get nervous around the members anymore, not without significant reason, and especially not around Taehyun. If there’s something wrong, then he should fix it.  “What’s up?” he says gently.</p><p>Kai licks his lips. They're slightly chapped, probably from how dry it's been lately, but they're still perfect and soft and Taehyun thinks about kissing them approximately five times a day. He frowns when Kai hesitates again, and looks away, staring at his hands instead of at Taehyun. "I've been thinking," he says. He pauses again. He bites his bottom lip, and glances shyly up at Taehyun. "Ever since Yeonjun came home after he—" Kai waves his hands vaguely "—I've been thinking about how I haven't ever kissed anyone. Even though I really want to."</p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>The absolute last thing Taehyun had been thinking about when he’d realized how nervous Kai is is that he might have been mulling over the conversation they had had about kissing. He would have guessed instead that maybe Kai had been having a difficult time in school, or there was something bothering him about their work, or that he was having trouble talking to one of the other members about something. He wouldn't have guessed, not in a million years, that Kai was thinking about how he hasn't had his first kiss yet.</p><p>Kai is looking at Taehyun expectantly, waiting for him to respond. He's probably nervous that he won't understand, or maybe even that he'll tease him. He's not at all thinking about how Taehyun doesn't know what to say because he has a crush the size of the moon on him, which is also making it very difficult for him to think about Kai kissing people.</p><p>"You have?" Taehyun croaks, prompting Kai to continue.</p><p>Kai nods. "I just—I know you said that I should do things at my own pace. But I'm ready for that. I want to learn to kiss. I just don't think I'll have the opportunity to do that for a long time because of what we do."</p><p>Taehyun's eyes widen. Kai is serious then. He really wants to take that step—and it seems like such a big deal to Taehyun, even though he knows that it isn't a big deal for most people. Is it wrong for him to be so surprised? So nervous? Kai had basically already told him before that he felt like he was missing out on kissing, so he probably wants Taehyun to give him more advice, or—</p><p>"So I thought about it," Kai continues before Taehyun can respond, his words tumbling over each other as he speaks faster and faster, "and I decided that I could just ask someone I know if they would be interested in kissing me, so then I'd know that it was safe and I could trust them."</p><p>He looks at Taehyun like he's expecting him to know what he means. And then it hits him. His jaw drops. "You—I—"</p><p>Kai wants to kiss him. Kai had decided that he wanted to have his first kiss, and he'd decided that he wanted Taehyun to be the first one to kiss him, something he won't ever be able to take back. Of all the times in the past two weeks that Taehyun had stared at his best friend and wondered what it would be like to kiss him, Kai had been wondering the same thing.</p><p>"You can say no," Kai squeaks. At some point he'd brought his sweater paws up to cover the bottom half of his face. He mumbles into the fabric, cheeks red, so bold and uncharacteristically shy all at once. "I know it's a lot for me to ask, so I don't mind if you don't want to or want to think about it, but I wanted to ask you before anyone else."</p><p>Taehyun <em> wants </em> to, to a degree that's probably embarrassing. He'd probably want to kiss Kai even if he hadn't been so drawn to him lately, because Kai is his friend, and and, quite frankly, he's hot. He and Kai would be <em> good </em> together, like how they're good at everything they do together.</p><p>But, Taehyun wonders, even though it hurts, would Kai still want to kiss him if he knew the truth?</p><p>"Kai-yah," Taehyun says, and the lump in his throat grows even bigger with the hope that sparks in Kai's eyes, "I would do it, but I don't think I'm the best person to ask about this."</p><p>The admission that he <em> would </em> kiss Kai, in theory, makes his heart skip a beat. He can't imagine how Kai is feeling right now.</p><p>Kai rocks forward on his knees and rests his hands insistently on Taehyun's thighs where his shorts have ridden up. His skin burns where Kai touches him, but he doesn't seem to notice the way Taehyun's breath catches in his throat as he leans closer to him. "You totally are," Kai insists. "I've thought about all of the other hyungs, too. I can't ask Soobin because he's in a committed relationship, even though he'd probably say yes anyway. I could ask Yeonjun, but he's so confident that I'd feel even more inexperienced, and then I'd be discouraged."</p><p>If Taehyun hadn't thought similar things about the hyungs in the past, if they weren't all as close as they are, Kai's words would have been downright absurd. But even though he's still blushing, and his rambling is partially spurred by how nervous he is, he doesn't seem to think that it is either. And it isn't, for the same reasons that Taehyun's crush on him hadn't come as that much of a surprise.</p><p>"I can't ask Beomgyu. He'd think I was kidding, and then he'd laugh at me before taking me seriously, and I don't think I could face him again after. That leaves you," Kai says, and he takes a deep breath before continuing. "You've never talked about kissing with us before, so I'm not sure if it's something you like, but if it is I think I'd be comfortable with you and you'd make it good for me, so I chose you. I want to kiss you."</p><p>It's endearing, how eager Kai is for this. Taehyun is in actual, physical pain, Kai is so cute. And his chest swells at the thought that Kai thinks that he would be comfortable with him for something as important to him as this.</p><p>"It's not that," Taehyun says, shaking his head. He swallows hard. He can't avoid the truth for any longer, can he? Especially not after how honest Kai has been with him. "Well—I don't actually know if I'd like kissing. I think I would. But I think if you want to learn to kiss, you'd probably want to ask someone else instead."</p><p>Kai looks genuinely confused. He sits back and lifts his hands, and Taehyun immediately misses his warmth. "Why?"</p><p>Taehyun wonders if there's a reason why Kai had assumed that he'd had his first kiss already, aside from the obvious—that boys their age are generally expected to have had relationships by now, and because, in all the conversations that Taehyun could have mentioned it, he never did.</p><p>Taehyun is probably the one blushing now. He draws his knees up to his chest, as if this will make the moment any less excruciating. It would be easier if Kai guessed it himself, but he isn't, which means that Taehyun is going to have to spell it out for him.</p><p>"I haven't kissed anyone before either," he says. "I'm sorry if that's disappointing."</p><p>Kai's mouth drops in a silent <em> oh. </em> Taehyun can practically see the gears turning in his head as he considers Taehyun's words. He closes his eyes and sighs softly. The secret is out now. He hadn't meant to keep that fact to himself for so long, but now he feels like he understands why he did.</p><p>When he opens his eyes again, Kai is watching him. "That makes a lot of sense," he says. His tone isn't accusatory, or overly shocked. Taehyun nods, and tries not to think about how red he must be. "But it isn't disappointing. Why would you say that?"</p><p>"Because I was your first choice for kissing?" Taehyun says. "You probably weren't expecting me to not have any experience."</p><p>"You're still my first choice for kissing," Kai explains matter-of-factly, as if he isn't currently turning Taehyun's world upside-down. "We can just figure it out together!"</p><p>If Kai hadn't already fulfilled one of Taehyun's fantasies, this takes the cake.</p><p>"You mean that?" Taehyun says.</p><p>Kai is a wonderful, incredible human being. He's <em> cute. </em> But sometimes he seems <em> too </em> good for the world.</p><p>"Of course," Kai says. "We can learn together, and feel comfortable telling each other if we want to stop or change something. You meant it when you said that you'd kiss me, right?"</p><p>Taehyun nods. He'd decided to be honest, so now he has to stick with it. Kai grins, looking far less tense than he had when he first approached Taehyun. Taehyun's head is still spinning, but he's starting to feel like this actually might not be a terrible idea in practice.</p><p>"So—," they say at the same time. Kai laughs. Taehyun's chest tightens. He's in <em> deep. </em></p><p>"You've probably figured it out by now," Kai says, "but I asked you today because I knew we'd have time to ourselves for a while."</p><p>Kai is pretty, pretty, pretty. Taehyun can forgive him for being a little too eager. He's a little too hopeful himself. "Oh, I did," he says smartly.</p><p>Kai's eyes are so bright. Has he always been so charming? "So what do you think?" he says.</p><p>Taehyun really, really hadn't been expecting that he would kiss anyone today when he woke up this morning. He hadn't ever had expectations for his first kiss at all, because he wasn't even sure that it would ever happen, or if he'd even like kissing. But Kai makes it seem like a good idea. And he's been thinking of kissing Kai for weeks, practically preparing for this moment. He isn't ever going to be more ready than he is now.</p><p>"Why not?" Taehyun says, and Kai beams.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They don’t actually get to kiss right away.</p><p>Immediately after they decide that today's the day, Kai receives a call from Soobin, who's actually Beomgyu using his phone and looking for his own. "I either lost it or left it at home," he tells Kai. "If I lost it, I'm in big trouble. If I left it at home, I'm probably also in big trouble, because two different managers have contacted Soobin looking for me. I'm going to have to come home and look for it..."</p><p>To which Kai yelps and exclaims, "No!" which sends him on an extremely tense, fifteen minute-long search for Beomgyu's phone that ends in Kai discovering that he left it charging by his bed.</p><p>Beomgyu, of course, finds this hilarious, and snickers for the rest of their call, which Kai only ends once he's confirmed that Beomgyu and Soobin won't be coming home early.</p><p>"Way to set the mood, huh?" Kai says bitterly as he flops back down on Taehyun's bed. His cheeks are a bit flushed from running around. Taehyun's breath stutters in his chest. "I'm sorry about that." He looks up at Taehyun, eyes wide with hope. "Let's get back to what we were doing?"</p><p>The only problem is that, for the fifteen minutes Kai had been talking to Beomgyu on the phone, Taehyun had been thinking about how little he actually knows about kissing.</p><p>Kai will probably expect him to take the lead, even though he doesn't have any more experience, because then Taehyun will be in complete control of testing his boundaries. It's not that Taehyun minds this at all, it's just that, in all the times he's every thought about kissing Kai—or kissing anyone, really—he's never thought about the actual logistics of it, like that it might be awkward at first.</p><p>It shouldn't be that hard, right? Taehyun thinks back to kissing advice he's come across in his lifetime. Relax, don't overthink it, and don't use too much tongue seem like a tall order. Kissing should be self-explanatory, shouldn't it? If they go by what feels good, they can't go wrong. But that's a whole other issue to consider. Taehyun has spent arguably too much time agonizing over whether or not kissing will feel good for him. There's no one else he'd rather figure that out with in Kai, for sure, but he feels bad putting Kai in that position when it could take away from his experience.</p><p>"Taehyun-ah?" Kai says softly.</p><p>Taehyun jolts. Enough time has passed without him answering Kai's question that he's probably second-guessing whether or not Taehyun actually wants this.</p><p>He stretches out his legs and takes a deep, steadying breath.</p><p>The last thing to consider is that this really could change things between them, but Taehyun knows that this won't happen. Not after everything they've been through together. Not with the relationship they have together. It won't happen because Taehyun <em> won't </em> let their relationship become strained. The only change that might happen will be the good type of change. Not that anything will change.</p><p>It won't affect the group either. They wouldn't even be the first two members of the group to kiss—Yeonjun and Beomgyu had stolen that title a long time ago, on a dare that both of them were all too willing to fulfill.</p><p>"We can start slow," Taehyun says. He sighs shakily. He's nervous, but he's excited, too. He knows that Kai feels the same thing, Taehyun's emotions reflecting right back at him in his eyes. "Come here?"</p><p>It comes out as more of a question than Taehyun means it to, but Kai listens anyway. He sits up and moves closer to Taehyun, flailing a bit, like his limbs are suddenly too big for Taehyun's bed, even though they always fit together well here. "Uh," he says. His hands hover awkwardly in the air, like he doesn't know whether or not he's allowed to touch Taehyun.</p><p>Is it back that they're doing this here? Should they kiss on the couch instead? Should they stand up?</p><p><em> Don't overthink it, </em> Taehyun reminds himself. It doesn't matter if they kiss on a bed. Kai won't be thinking of the potentially sexual undertones, and Taehyun certainly won't. It won't be weird unless they make it weird.</p><p>Taehyun scoots forward until his knees knock against Kai's. He places his hands on Kai's shoulders, drawing him close. Kai melts under his touch, looping his arms around Taehyun's waist. They spend most nights wrapped up in each other, and Kai routinely drapes himself over Taehyun, but this time they're looking into each other's eyes, and it's so much more intimate. he has to resist the urge to hide his face.</p><p>It would be easy to lean in and kiss Kai now. But both of them are still tense, so he does something a little more familiar and kisses Kai's cheek instead.</p><p>Kai exhales softly and tightens his grip around Taehyun's waist. A shiver travels up his spine. He lets his lips linger for a moment longer before kissing him again, closer to his lips.</p><p>Kai pulls away just enough to meet Taehyun's eyes. And then he leans in, slowly, and kisses the tip of his nose. Taehyun's heart skips a beat, and he instinctively inches closer to Kai. He slides one hand into Kai's hair and lets the other cradle his jaw. He tilts his head into Taehyun's touch, and Taehyun can't help but smile, just a bit, because Kai is adorable, and it's not every day he's in a position like this with his best friend.</p><p>Kai catches his eye and laughs a little, but when Taehyun grins back at him, he looks down at his lips and goes still—and suddenly, Taehyun wants to kiss him so badly it hurts.</p><p>"Can I?" he asks, and Kai nods, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world when Taehyun closes the gap between them and presses his lips to Kai's.</p><p>There aren't fireworks. Taehyun isn't knocked off his feet. It's just a kiss, but it's a <em> kiss, </em> and it's <em> Kai </em> who's kissing him back. When they part, Taehyun is dizzy with the adrenaline that crackles through him, at how Kai insistently drags his hips closer until he's nearly sitting in his lap. "Was that okay?" Kai asks, voice cracking at the end.</p><p>Taehyun is hit with a wave of emotion when he processes Kai's words. He hadn't even been thinking of himself. He felt for a second that it didn't feel good, and that—that might be the best thing of all. It doesn't matter if it's because kissing is okay for Taehyun or because it's with Kai, all that matters is that he wants to do it again, and so does Kai, judging by the way he's looking at him.</p><p>That was just a practice round to get the first one out of the way. They could both walk away now and be able to say that they've kissed someone before, or they could kiss again, and it could be even better.</p><p>Kai's tongue darts out, wetting his lips. "Can we—?" he says, and Taehyun answers him with another kiss, no longer any question of whether or not he wants this.</p><p>This time, the angle is perfect, and their lips slot together in a way that makes Kai press against him harder. Taehyun's fingers curl in Kai's hair. He still isn't really sure of what to do, but he knows that he likes having Kai like this, that he wants to figure it out. Kai's lips move against his softly, tentatively, and Taehyun sucks a little on Kai's bottom lip until he inhales sharply and Taehyun can feel the tiny smile on his lips when it <em> works. </em></p><p>Taehyun kisses him again, and every time they meet is just as dizzying as the first. It's instinct that makes Taehyun grip Kai's chin a little tighter and turn his head until he can kiss him deeper. Kai gasps into his mouth, the sound punched out of him, and Taehyun arches his back until they're flush against each other in every way possible.</p><p>When Kai pulls away, Taehyun's lips are just the slightest bit damp, and he can't stop himself from chasing after Kai's mouth, until he kisses him again, and this time it's Taehyun who gasps. And it makes <em> sense </em> to keep pulling Kai down until he takes the lead and pushes Taehyun down against his bed and hovers over him, waiting to kiss him again.</p><p>Kai looks <em> wrecked. </em> His cheeks are pretty and red, and he's breathing heavy, and his pupils are dilated as he looks at Taehyun like he wants more, more, more. They've barely even started kissing, and it already feels so much more than practice kissing. They're kissing now because there's chemistry between them, because it's good, because they want it for more than just practical reasons.</p><p>"Is this okay?" Kai whispers into the barely-there space between them.</p><p>And it is. Taehyun hasn't felt anything but want, hasn't had a single thought other than his overwhelming love and fondness for Kai. Not even with Kai would he have expected to enjoy this as much as he is. Not even with Kai would he have thought he'd be this comfortable. But is it really that surprising?</p><p>"Please," Taehyun says, heart pounding rapidly.</p><p>It feels different with Kai on top of him like this, but they fit together perfectly, like always. Taehyun's hands splay across Kai's broad shoulders, holding him close as they kiss. Kai's tongue flicks against the seam of his mouth, an invitation, and Taehyun shudders and lets Kai kiss him, open-mouthed and urgent, their tongues sliding together.</p><p>This—this is even more new, and it doesn't last long, just enough that they have a taste of it, for Taehyun to taste <em> Kai. </em> An unfamiliar heat curls in the pit of his stomach, making him squirm against Kai. It's disarming and new and completely unexpected, and Taehyun doesn't know what to make of it. It's nothing serious, nothing for Taehyun to agonize over when Kai is so wonderful at distracting him with his mouth, but there's possibility there.</p><p>With Kai kissing him, Taehyun loses track of time, and they must have exchanged dozens of kisses before they pull away from each other. Kai rests his forehead against Taehyun’s as they each catch their breath. His lips are kiss-bitten and swollen, and Taehyun proudly thinks, <em> I did that. </em> As he looks at them, the corners turn up into a smile, and Taehyun wants to trace it with his lips.</p><p>"Can I kiss you in other places?" he asks, and Kai is nodding before he's even finished his sentence.</p><p>Taehyun feels a little self-conscious about this because the attention is centered on him now, but Kai’s reactions make it worth it. He kisses the corner of Kai’s lips first, and he almost turns it into a real kiss, the possibility of which is all too tantalizing. Kai shivers when he kisses his jaw, and then lower. He lifts his chin to allow Taehyun better access to kiss all over his exposed skin, and he moans quietly, beautifully, when Taehyun nips at his collarbone. He soothes it with his tongue and a kiss, and mischief shines in his eyes. He leans down to repeat when Taehyun had done back to him—kissing along his jaw, and then his ear. Taehyun only just manages to hold back a moan, which seems to make Kai even more determined to draw it out of him.</p><p>“Kai,” Taehyun gasps, dragging him closer.</p><p>Kai kisses Taehyun’s neck, and it’s like electricity passes through him, he’s so dizzy, he wants <em> so </em> badly. “I know,” Kai says— <em> gasps </em>, because he’s just as affected as Taehyun is.</p><p>He’s just leaning in to kiss Taehyun’s lips when his phone starts ringing.</p><p>Kai flinches so badly he nearly falls off the bed, but Taehyun is holding on to him so tightly that he doesn’t. “I’m so sorry,” Kai says, frantically searching his pockets for his phone. When he checks the caller ID, he scowls. “It’s Soobin-hyung! Or Beomgyu-hyung again, I guess.”</p><p>His voice is shaky, and he’s the perfect picture of somebody kiss-drunk and kissed out. “You should probably answer that,” Taehyun says, but he doesn’t really mean it.</p><p>“Hyung can wait,” Kai says, and tosses his phone somewhere at the end of Taehyun’s bed. He looks at Taehyun for a moment, still lying where Kai left him. “I want to kiss you again.”</p><p>He does, and Taehyun laughs, full of happiness. “For the record,” he says between kisses, “this isn’t the last time we’re doing this, right?”</p><p>It’s far from an actual admission of his crush, but it almost feels like the same thing, with how enthusiastically Kai responds. “No way,” he says, beaming with the strength of the sun, and Taehyun is alight with his energy as he kisses him again, and again, and again.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next morning, Yeonjun finds Taehyun in the studio.</p><p>Taehyun starts to take his headphones off and greet him, but Yeonjun waves him off and waits with him in a companionable silence until he’s done working.</p><p>“Hey, Taehyun-ah,” Yeonjun says, after he’s turned his computer off and spun around in his swivel chair to look at him. “How was your day off yesterday? We didn’t really see each other after I got home.”</p><p>“Mmm,” Taehyun hums, trying not to think of just how good his day off was—he genuinely does try, but it’s still a struggle to stifle the smile that threatens to appear on his lips when he thinks of Kai, who’s currently busy with vocal practice, but promised to spend some time alone with Taehyun tonight. “It was good. Quiet. How was yours?”</p><p>“Good,” Yeonjun replies, but he seems distracted. He runs a hand through his hair and bites his lip, and Taehyun is intrigued—it’s been a long time since he’s seen him look like this. Is he nervous? “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”</p><p>
  <em> Here we go again. </em>
</p><p>“I’ve already told Soobinie, and I think you’ve already figured it out, but I wanted you to know that that night a few weeks ago—I didn’t do anything with that girl I was seeing,” Yeonjun says. “I don’t know why I didn’t admit it at the time, but I didn’t hook up with Yujin or anything like that.”</p><p>Taehyun hadn’t figured that out already. He hadn’t stopped to consider at all that Yeonjun might not have been telling the complete truth, although, now that he thinks about it, he hadn’t ever explicitly confirmed or denied that he had had sex with Yujin.</p><p>“Are you upset?” Yeonjun asks, after a beat of silence.</p><p>Taehyun shakes his head. “A little surprised, but of course not. I wouldn’t be upset at you for something like that.”</p><p>Yeonjun nods. “That’s fair.” He ducks his head. “I wanted you to know too that I wouldn’t ever intentionally leave you out of conversations like that. I just didn’t say anything because—well, I didn’t have anything to tell.”</p><p>“Hearing about it would probably make me feel pretty gross, but I’d rather know about it and feel that way than be left wondering,” Taehyun says. Yeonjun’s expression is pinched. “It’s okay. I know you understand. It doesn’t affect me as much as you might think.”</p><p>Yeonjun breaks into an easy grin. “I just wanted to make sure. I’m going to tell the others soon, but I knew you’d be easy to talk to about it.” Then he narrows his eyes, and Taehyun’s heart drops. “And there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”</p><p>Taehyun stands up and shoves his chair back. “I’m leaving,” he says.</p><p>Predictably, Yeonjun only stands up and follows him, his stupidly long legs keeping pace with Taehyun easily. “I’ll have you know,” Yeonjun says, “just because I didn’t do it with Yujin doesn’t mean I’m an incompetant hyung! I can still give you advice with Hueningie!”</p><p>Taehyun plants his feet and stops short. “Huh?” he says, not trying at all to hide his surprise.</p><p>“You and Kai,” Yeonjun says smugly. “You know you can’t keep sneaking around with him forever when we share a dorm.”</p><p>There’s no point in hiding it. It’s almost as if he <em> knows </em> about Taehyun and Kai’s plans for later.  “It’s been one day!” Taehyun exclaims, blushing furiously.</p><p>“Oh, honey, it’s been much longer than that.” Yeonjun pats his shoulder. “And hyung always knows best. You should go find your boy though. Someone told me he was looking for you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/hopefulgcf">twitter</a>!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>